[MUSIC] "Myself and my learning". Understanding my transactions. If we stand outside ourselves, we could watch the transactions that take place in our classrooms. So, the role, or person we become - the parent; who directs, admonishes, can control sometimes. The child; egocentric, complaining, always feeling done to. The adult; mature, grown-up, treating others with respect. I want you to take a minute to think about a couple of things. What does it mean to behave like a parent, in your context, in your experience? Perhaps you are a parent, or perhaps you have a parent and don't have any children. What does it mean to behave like a parent for you? Think about all the characteristics you would put to that. I used one word - admonishes - just now. How would you see the parent? What does it mean to behave like an adult? Think of all the characteristics that you would associate with being an adult. One of the words that came across was mature, or rational - what are some of the other words that could describe an adult? And what does it mean to be a child? What are all the characteristics that you can think of that your children may exhibit, that you see or the children in your context that you could see. You're going to list them all down. So, you've probably generated quite a list of the characteristics you associate with parents and also the child. So, I've got a question now: in my actions and in your actions, and transactions with another person, what does it mean to behave like a parent? So, in your classroom, what are the ways that you'd behave like a parent? I'm not sure whether you used this word, but parents would care. Parents want the best, or think of the best interest of their children and want to direct them in a positive kind of way. Sometimes, that may seem as controlling. How do you exhibit that in your classroom? What does it mean to behave like an adult? Someone who's rational, someone who develops or encourages the personal relationship, or relationships with other people. What does it mean to behave like a child? I'm not sure about the characteristics you came up with, but children are in many ways egocentric; they can be self-centred; they can react emotionally to issues. So, in these three positions of a parent, adult and child, how does that play out for you in the class? At which points in your class, in your teaching, do you act out like a parent with your students? Do you act out as an adult with rationality, putting the relationship first? Or do you act out like a child, that can be also egocentric? Now, let me give you an example. A child will probably do something in the class, or one of the learners does something and you react in a way that is emotional, and maybe we say to the student, "Why do you always have to act or be this way? Why is it? This hurts my feelings.", or "This upsets me when you do that." So, you're talking about how those actions play out to you. There's a kind of emotional response to this. So, I want you to you think about your actions and transactions in your class? Where you act out those those three positions? Now, the child also three positions. The child also acts like a parent. The child can also take on positions of being an adult. The child can also be a child. Maybe I could share a small story about a child's persona, and as a parent. I have a young daughter, and they often times when I would travel somewhere, and I would send her a message, or I would phone her a day later, and she would say to me, "You're only phoning me now? I was worried about you. You could've phoned when you arrived in the other country." So, you can notice the parent in her - concern, wanting the best interest for me. Also, the adults - the three personas of the adult. The adult can also take on the parent, adult and child personas. And I want you to think about times where you've had to do that, where you've had to be a parent in your class. For instance, using an example where you may have asked somebody that you know has had a history of not giving in work or homework, And you would ask the student, "Have you done your homework?" And I'm sure you have students in your class who sometimes just never do their homework and it might irritate you and you may respond as a parent: admonishing, but out of care - which may not necessarily come across to the student in that way. So, the student probably could take the position that this person is always picking on me, because that's how that person may see it. And what would be an adult response to that child, who is not doing their homework? Do you think constantly asking the student, "Have you done your homework?", and in that tone, is it going to change the cycle? How do you change that cycle? And what are some other things you could do differently with that child? For example, could you ask that child, maybe when that child is leaving the class and when everyone else has left, "You know what? Let me know how I could support you in doing your homework." Would that be an adult reaction? Do you think that might change or shift the student? Perhaps the student may then say to you, they may be having certain difficulties in their personal context, or maybe understanding the concepts, and maybe, you could change the cycle. Instead of just adopting another position of the parent - admonishing, questioning, and reproducing that kind of behavior - but truly changing it. So, how do we transact with the three selfs of another person? So, in other words, as a parent, in the role of a parent - how do we interact with other parents? And the role of an adult, how do we respond to other adults? And in our child, how do we respond as a child or as an adult to other adults or to the parent? So, let's take one, for example, what would an adult-adult transaction look like or be? I mentioned earlier on that that relationship would probably be based on putting the relationship first, being rational, trying to find solutions to issues, and trying to deepen the conversation of how you can get beyond something but also not repeating the same problem. How would a child to child conversation look like? And here we could talk about the egocentrism of the children, of both; they are thinking just about themselves; and if they are not getting their way, then there has to be punitive, or something punitive for the other person. Or, how would the parent-child relationship be? What would the parent to child transaction be like? How would you expect the child to respond? And let's look at that a little more. Think of an example when you needed to be a parent to the child, other than the example of the homework that I've given. So, for example, if you saw a child running along the corridors, and you looked at the child and you saw from a distance and you shouted, "Hey! Why are you running down that corridor?" And again, that would be the parent response to that child: admonishing, challenging why this person was breaking the rules, or that person shouldn't have been running down the corridor. What would an adult response be to that child? Perhaps the child has a clear purpose why she's running; maybe something really upset her; maybe on that day she had had some difficulty that she needed to attend to. So, perhaps an adult response to that would have been very much, "Help me understand why you're running down the corridor." I know that sometimes it's not easy to take on these oppositions because you want to admonish, you want to take care, and you want to be the teacher in charge. But sometimes, we can change these cycles by going out truly to understand through rationality and developing and deepening that relationship. So, "How many times have I told you not to do that in the class?" The teacher in the parent, and the parent's saying that constantly. And the child and adult saying, "I did it by mistake. I apologize. It won't happen again." Now sometimes - and here I want to share a kind of personal story with you - many years ago when I taught, I remember there was a young girl in my class that constantly was disruptive and destructive. Any time I would start up a new concept, I would have to tell the student, "Please sit down. Would you stop doing that?" And it upset my momentum, and in many ways, it kind of stressed me out, because I just couldn't get the flow to my lesson. And it went on for months, and I was being the parent, and times I was even being the child: "If you don't stop doing that, I'm going to ask you to leave my classroom and never come back again." A perfect example of reacting as a child - that would have never been possible: she was entitled to be in my class. Until one day, when as Daniella, we'll call her Daniella, was leaving my class, I called her and asked, "I don't know how you're feeling about this, but it kind of upsets me every time I have to interrupt and ask you to stop doing this, stop doing that." And she looked at me, and in a very adult way as well, "That upsets me too, that I have to break your flow and I realise that." So, as we start to talk I asked her what would be some of the solutions I could come up with, that could really help you and me in this situation. So, notice I was privileging the relationship here. I was trying to find a rational response, and an answer to this. And she came up with something interesting. She said, "How about we, between you and I, we create a symbol. A symbol that only you and I will understand. And that every time that I am being disruptive or destructive, you would create the symbol, and I would stop doing that. And it worked. The symbol we had come up with was I had to touch my ear, and of course, Daniella knew very clearly that she would have to stop, and she would have to refocus, and it helped me with my lesson and it helped to manage Daniella in the room at the same time. So, I didn't have to respond every time like a child to Daniella to get Daniella to keep quiet or to behave in that room. So, the transactions in my classroom, and here is where I want to bring things together, how would you describe the nature of the transactions in your classroom? Are you constantly shouting at the Daniellas and making empty threats to the Daniellas in your classroom? Or are you engaging them like a parent, and reproducing the same kind of relationship all the time? Do these change depending on the subject? Does it also depend on the context or the history of the students? And I'm sure they do. The task, the time or day of the week, what has gone on before? And of course, all these variables play into the relationship and how you play out these relationships. Are there established patterns which are are hard to break? So, if you had a pattern like Daniella, that would be a hard one to break. But it might also be asking them other questions, such as: "How am I going to look at these relationships? And how am I going to change the cycles in my class?" Rather than reproducing it, how can I create an effective classroom and be an effective teacher? [MUSIC]
