[MUSIC] Welcome back. We have talked about the positive and negative emotional attractors, or PEA and NEA, in several previous modules. The reason we have spent considerable time discussing these attractors is because understanding just how they influence an individual's change efforts is critical to the coaching process. In this module, we will discuss the importance of helping a person find the appropriate balance between the PEA and NEA, as you coach them on their real self. Or their strengths and weaknesses relative to their ideal self. We will also discuss the potential pitfalls of spending too much time in either the positive or negative emotional attractor. And when you compare and contrast the PEA and NEA, some might say, why would you ever want to experience the NEA at all? It's characterized by negative emotions. It leads to a stress response, resulting in our heart beating faster, elevated blood pressure. Decreased immune system functioning, and diminished cognitive capacity, among other things. Why would you want that? Well, the reason is that the PEA and NEA are actually both vital in terms of our overall functioning. As we have shared previously, the PEA indeed does enable us to thrive and flourish, but the NEA helps us to survive. It helps us to respond to threats as well as challenges, among other things. Now while both the PEA and NEA are important, too much of either one without the other, can lead to negative consequences. When you have too much NEA, you can get into a downward negative spiral. All right, the stress and associated factors can burn up your internal resources leaving you feeling exhausted, defeated and maybe even depressed. This puts you into a condition where you're not able to change, grow, or pursue your dreams. Conversely, when you have too much PEA, and yes, you can have too much PEA. You can fall prey to over-optimism, or optimism bias, where you believe that you are less at risk of experiencing negative events as compared to others. Jane Gruber and her colleagues found in their research that exaggerated levels of positive feelings can cause an invincibility complex. Potentially leading to high-risk behaviors, ignoring health threats, and becoming complacent when it comes to challenge and change. This last point is particularly important because it means that too much PEA could potentially lead to a level of comfort that actually inhibits change. We therefore need to have some degree of balance between the PEA and the NEA. However, balance in this case does not necessarily mean an equal amount of each. We know for instance from research on the negativity bias. That even when they are of equal intensity, things of a negative nature have a greater effect on our psychological state then do things of a positive nature. Studies have shown for example that the negative emotional experience associated with losing $20 is stronger than the positive emotional experience associated with winning $20. Even though on the amount is the same in both cases. So to account for this negativity bias, we have to have a greater dose of positive emotion or PEA in this case relative to negative emotion. Just for the felt effect to be similar. Now we shared in an earlier module that the suggested range for the ratio of PEA to NEA is somewhere in three and six to one range. We generally recommend to coaches that they strive for a minimum three to one PEA to NEA ratio when coaching. Now I want to note here that the recommended ratio is not three to zero, right? A complete absence of the NEA. And having some sense of movement between the PEA and NEA is important to bringing about change. So what does all this mean as we look to coach someone on their real self? Well first of all, let's take a step back and talk about the importance of self-awareness. Getting in touch with your real self involves mindful awareness of who you are. And it's not just who you are from your perspective. That's a part of it, and a critical part, but it's more than that. It's also who you are as others see you. You may say that, well, how others see you is just their perception, and that's not necessarily who you really are. Right but you have to realize that the perceptions others have of you essentially become their reality in terms of how they experience you. So that is a part of who you are or how you show up in the world in the eyes of others. You have to account for that as you become more aware of your real self. So coaching someone to their real self involves helping them become more self-aware. So that they can effectively articulate their strengths and their weaknesses, or gaps, and then focus on both. When they come to grips with both their strengths and their weaknesses, that represents a readiness to change. Just how do you help a person become aware of their strengths and weaknesses? For starters, you can encourage them to attempt to conduct an accurate self-assessment. Making sure that they are honest with themselves. This is not the time for self-deception. You want them to reflect on what they are really doing well these days. As well as what they're not doing so well. And again be honest in doing so. You should also encourage them to seek feedback from others. This can be through a formal feedback process like a 360 degrees feedback assessment. Which by the way, is an excellent tool to gain a greater sense of self awareness. Or it can be an informal process, perhaps simply asking a select group of others pertinent questions like, what are some of the things that you appreciate most about me? Or what are some things I could do to be more effective in your opinion? Now when asking others for this informal feedback, it is an excellent time to encourage the person to practice good listening, noticing, and questioning skills, like we discussed in the previous module. That will help them truly get the most out of that feedback. A useful tool to help a person capture and then categorize their strengths and weaknesses is what we call a personal balance sheet. Similar to an organizational balance sheet, a personal balance sheet consists of both current and long-term assets and liabilities. Or in this context, strengths and weaknesses. A current strength is something that you fairly recently developed to be a strength. Or that you recently discovered was a strength for you. A distinctive strength is something that you have been good at for quite some time. It is something that you have mastered, it's just a part of you. You can do it well without even thinking about it. A current weakness is something you fairly recently became aware that you weren't so good at, and that needs development. And finally a long term liability is what we are calling here an enduring disposition. This is something that may just be an aspect of who you are at this point in your life. But it sometimes gets in your way and causes you to be less effective than you could be otherwise. You want to be able to recognize and categorize those things as well. As you move into the process of exploring the strengths and weaknesses with an individual. You want to start by having that person you are coaching acknowledge and think about how they might leverage their strengths before they begin to focus their attention on any weaknesses they may feel they need to work on. You want to really have, or ideally have, the person think about several strengths they would like to leverage. Then, when it is time to consider gaps or weaknesses, make sure that they don't bite off more than they can chew. You can start, for instance, by having them focus on just one thing that they have the energy to work on, right. And then when they've demonstrated some success with that one thing, you can then have them select the next thing they want to tackle. This one bite at a time approach allows for focused attention, and typically leads to better change efforts. And when they pick that one thing they want to work on first, make sure that they see the payoff from improving in that area. In other words, make sure that it is tied to the attainment of their ideal self. A mistake people often make is to choose to work on something simply because they receive feedback indicating that they're not very good at it. Right. But if developing in that area has nothing to do with the person's ideal self, they would be better off and better served devoting their time and energy working on something that will move them closer to that ideal. These suggested actions will move a person back and forth between the PEA and the NEA. But it will ultimately keep them tethered to that PEA. This insures that they continue to come back to that psychophysiological state where they are most capable of making desired changes. These are just a few things to think about as you coach a person on their real self. I hope it was helpful. Take care, and we'll see you in the next module. [MUSIC]
