[MUSIC] Hello again and welcome back. In this module, we will more deeply explore the ideal self discovery of the intentional change process, and discuss the key distinctions between an ideal self in what can be described as an ought self. We will also talk about specific implications for coaching others, and we will conclude with a brief reflective exercise. In the second module of this course, we compared intentional change theory to a variety of other theories of change or motivation. You may recall that among those was self determination theory. Ed Deci, Rich Ryan and other researchers have suggested that central to self determination theory is the distinction between autonomous motivation and controlled motivation. Further, they suggest that the type of motivation is perhaps more important than the amount. And with autonomous motivation, individuals feel that they are doing what hey want to be doing. It's normally fun, interesting and engaging. With controlled motivation on the other hand, individuals instead feel that they are doing something they have to do. And generally there is a sense of pressure associated with it. Now focusing on this distinction leads to our discussion of the ideal self versus the ought self in intentional change. As we have suggested previously, coaching someone to their ideal self involves helping them answer the question, who do I really want to be and what do I really want to do with my life? This is a source of autonomous motivation, it comes from within. Now getting in touch with one's ideal self ultimately drives the generation of a personal vision. Which becomes a motivational force for initiating and or sustaining a desired change effort. Now the ideal self is composed of three primary elements. A dream or desired image of the future which represents the content, ones core identity which represents the personal context, and a sense of hope which serves as the emotional driver. Now all of these support our ability to craft for ourselves ultimately a personal or shared vision. And taking a closer look at this model of the ideal self, you will see that there are a number of other components that supports these three core elements. The image of a desired future consist of your dreams and aspirations as well as your passions. And what you see is calling or even your purpose in life. The core identity represents relatively enduring individual characteristics including your values, or what's most important to you and your life, in your life's philosophy. Your values, as well as your dreams and aspirations for that matter may evolve over time as you progress through various career in life stages. Your aspirations when you're 50 years old for instance may be different from what they were when you were 25, that's normal. Finally, the sense of hope is fueled by optimism or a positive outlook toward the future. And a degree of self efficacy or a belief in this context in your ability to obtain your ideal self. So that you can actually see it as being feasible. Sometimes people think they're pursuing an ideal self, but instead they're pursuing what can more accurately can describe as an ought self. The ougth self can be thought of as an ideal self imposed on us by others, or sometimes by our own internal desire to please others. In other words, it represents who others think we should be or who we think we should be rather than who we really want to be. Now, there are times when elements of an ought self become internalized and we truly want them for ourselves. When that is the case, those elements can actually become a part of our ideal self. If they are genuinely internalized. More often however, elements of the ought self gets bolted or layered on until they end up covering or even sometimes smothering the ideal self. Now when this happens at some point in the future, we are likely to have a wake up call and find ourselves feeling disappointed, frustrated, or even angry that we've wasted so much time and energy in our life pursuing something that was never really what we wanted. For instance an individual may have worked really hard to get into and then complete a medical school, then they successfully complete their residency, and maybe they've been practicing as a physician for three or four years. Then finally one day they wake up and realized, they never really want to be a doctor that was there family's dream for them. They always really have a passion for architecture or engineering, or something else. And this sort of things happens all the time, we let our hopes and dreams drift away and they get replaced by a sea of should and odds. Hopefully you can see that understanding the distinction between the ideal self and the ought self is very important. And it can have a profound impact on one's intentional change efforts. Now to quickly summarize these distinctions, the Ideal self is driven by what a person wants to do. The motivation as we've said is autonomous and there's a promotion focus orientation, or in other words involving moving towards something positive they're trying to attain. That puts them in the psychophysiological state of the positive emotional attractor or PEA that we have been discussing throughout this course. In this state, they are open to new ideas and more capable of learning and growing, ultimately resulting in sustained desired change. The ought self on the other hand, is driven by what a person feels they ought to do. The motivation here is controlled as opposed to autonomous, and there is a prevention focus orientation which is a focus on engaging in behavior to avoid potential negative outcomes rather than moving to a positive outcomes. Now this evokes the stress response and put the person in the zone of the negative emotional attractor NEA. And in this state, their capacity to think and learn is actually diminished resulting at best in short-term behavioral change. So what are the implications of all this for coaching authors? Well, for one thing, there are a number of reflective exercises that you can encourage a person to complete to facilitate the discovery of their ideal self. You'll find references to these exercises in the supplemental course material. Then by practicing good questioning, listening, and noticing skills, all techniques, by the way, which we will explore further in an upcoming module, you can help them piece together and then gain clarity around their ideal self. And ultimately craft for themselves a personal vision. Now this often require tuning in not just to what the person is saying but also to the emotions they are experiencing. If an individual is truly tapping into their ideal self, you should see and feel the positive emotion. If there's no sense of positive emotion whatsoever that you're picking up, then that's a sign that possibly you may need to continue to probe a little further to make sure that they are really tapping into their ideal self rather than an ought self. Also you may find that it takes a bit longer for individuals who are maybe a little older to figure out their ideal self and to craft a personal vision. That is because they are likely to have more layers of an ought self that have been built up over the years. You might have to in that case actually help them peel away some of those layers to reveal their ideal self. Okay, before we conclude to help you tease out your ideal self from elements of a potential ought self. I want to leave you with a brief reflective exercise. When this age of movie remakes, if you could go back 20, 30, or depending how old you are, maybe even 40 years. What if anything, what would you do differently? Ask yourself. What would that new re-written script look like? What elements would you hang unto? What would you change slightly, maybe, or strip away completely? What would you add to really make it your movie? Now, thinking about your responses to this reflective exercise will hopefully help you tease out your true ideal self from any potential ought self elements that may exist for you. And figuring this out for yourself will better prepare you to coach others through a similar process. Have fun with the exercise and we will see you in the next module. [MUSIC]
